The long-running dispute between two households in Lower Draynton over the height of a boundary hedge ended on Tuesday morning with an apology, a reciprocal apology and a pot of tea. No video of the reconciliation exists. By Wednesday afternoon, four commentators had been retained to explain what the feud had meant, and by Thursday two of them were no longer on speaking terms.

The feud itself had lasted eleven months and produced, at its height, a strongly worded note left under a windscreen wiper. Both parties had at one point considered filming their grievances but had agreed, separately, that it felt unnecessary.

The scramble for meaning

Within hours of the settlement, local essayist Mr Colin Frape published a piece arguing that the feud represented the last vestige of authentic community conflict in an age of performed hostility. "Nobody monetised this," he wrote. "Nobody even thought to. That is the story."

Rival commentator Ms Verity Polden, who hosts a programme about the end of programmes, countered that the feud's meaning lay precisely in its refusal to become content. "A conflict with no audience is a tree falling in a forest," she told listeners. "I am the forest now."

A third analyst, Mr Denis Wraw, was contracted by the hedge's owner to produce the definitive account. A fourth, Ms Geraldine Ott, was contracted by the neighbour, on the grounds that the definitive account could not be left to one side.

The fallout

Mr Frape and Ms Polden fell out on Thursday over which of them had identified the non-event's significance first. Ms Polden accused Mr Frape of "analysis poaching". Mr Frape responded with a thread of fourteen posts, each describing the other's position as "a category error dressed as insight". The thread was widely shared by people who had not read about the hedge.

Mr Wraw and Ms Ott, meeting to divide jurisdiction over the feud's legacy, disagreed on whether the apology or the tea constituted the true turning point. They have since stopped sharing a commentary agent.

The two households, when visited, said the hedge was now at a height both found agreeable and that they had not read any of the analyses, as they had been present. They said they were sorry the commentators were fighting and hoped it would blow over.

Mr Frape and Ms Polden are reportedly in talks to co-host a series about their disagreement, provisionally titled after the village, subject to a fee. The hedge could not be reached, but is understood to be doing well.