Skip to content

The Afternoon Herald

Deeply serious coverage of things that probably did not happen, times being what they are

Afternoon Edition
Front page
Satire · Culture

History Society Admits Founding Battle Was Invented For Engagement

The society's own records show the skirmish never took place, but membership has grown and a second invented battle is scheduled for spring.

Afternoon Edition

The Grimblewick Village History Society has confirmed that its most popular event, an annual re-enactment of the Battle of Grimblewick Field, commemorates a battle that did not happen.

The re-enactment, first staged three years ago, draws visitors from across the district and features cannons, a cavalry charge and a commemorative tea tent. The society's own archive, opened last month to researchers, contains no mention of any armed conflict in the village's recorded past. The earliest reference to the battle appears in a social media post announcing the first re-enactment.

The society's chairwoman, Mrs Elspeth Torrington, said the decision had been taken after a period of decline.

"The real events were the enclosure riots and a dispute over sheep drainage rights," she said. "We re-enacted the sheep drainage dispute twice. Two people came, and one of them was looking for the toilet. The engagement figures were very clear."

Mrs Torrington said the committee had voted to identify a battle the village could be proud of, and had settled on a skirmish between royalist and parliamentarian forces, chosen because the costumes were already available from a neighbouring society that no longer needed them.

The record

The society's official history pamphlet, sold at the tea tent, describes the battle in detail, including a heroic stand at the mill and the loss of a drummer boy. Local historian Mr Dennis Fallow has traced each detail to a planning meeting held in the back room of the Bell and Bucket.

"The drummer boy is based on my nephew," said Mr Fallow, who wrote the pamphlet. "He was twelve and available. Historically, availability was our main source."

The village war memorial, which previously listed the fallen of two world wars, now includes a third panel bearing the names of the invented dead. Mrs Torrington defended the addition.

"People read those names and feel something," she said. "The drainage rioters never got a panel. Nobody felt anything about them."

What happens next

Attendance at the re-enactment now exceeds attendance at every other society event combined, and the committee has approved funding for a second invented battle, to be fought in spring against a neighbouring village that has also expressed willingness to forget its own past.

A rival group, the Grimblewick Accuracy Society, has formed to protest the fabrications. Its founding meeting attracted fewer attendees than the battle's tea tent, a comparison it has asked this newspaper not to print.

Mrs Torrington said the society would consider its critics' concerns at its next meeting, which is scheduled to be held in costume, on the field, during the battle.